a rant.

i think about all the men out there sometimes. The women too. I think, God, there’s so many of us. I think about destiny and fate. I wonder if there’s any truth to it, if we all have a story to stick to. Whether the odds were written in our favor or against us. Are we born with luck? Is it something that we can gain? The questions go on for days. This is how I think. In that, I don’t stop. My brain keeps going, and going; and going some more. Yes, sometimes it spins, sometimes it runs. It’s a gift and a burden, but whatever. Some of us believe we are destined for greatness, that we are better than the person next to us. That’s weird. It’s weird because I’m guilty of this. Something inside me always told me that I’m better, that I can do big things. Why do I believe this? Did someone tell me? My mom maybe. My teachers probably. I can honestly say I do not know where this sense of urgency comes from but as my years grow older, the more urgent it becomes; almost like time is running out. It’s as if the stirrings inside are part of some greater force outside of this reality. Perhaps these musings are futile. I guess it doesn’t really matter, just thoughts running and running. To no end. People like me never find peace. Mostly likely it’s on purpose that restlessness. That feeling that this can’t be it, that this is not good enough. It’s something. I sound sort of mad as I write this but I don’t intend to come across that way. It’s just these thoughts are heavy and transform into a physical weight in my body. If I may expend my energy in these words then hopefully I won’ t crazy one day. I actually think about the day that I finally “lose it.” I’m not even sure what it looks like but I know it’s dramatic. Do you ever do that? Daydream the drama and then the reality of the situation is so anti-drama. It is way better that way, could you imagine life actually being like movie scene after movie scene? What horrible luck. What’s the point of this rant? No point really. Life is overwhelming and I wish I were more normal so I could just throw my hands up and be like, “okay! I will get in line and live like the rest of em.”

  1. Maybe we all feel like that sometime, and then we meet that special someone and settle for regularity. As long as we have love huh. Truth be told, if I was happy I wouldn’t mind doing the same thing day after day. But then again, I might find someone, or someone finds me who would push me to work hard on my dreams.

    All it take is an idea, hard work, people who believes in You and try to keep You sane.

    Heck, now I too want to start a blog and rant.

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